So I finished catching up with American Idol and when you couple that with boredom and illness, you get a blog. I've got a little place in my heart of stone for this damned show. It's like crack that makes you fat and angry instead of skinny and shivering because your having withdrawl symptoms.
Jackie Tohn
"A Little Less Conversation" - Elvis Presley
Tonight Jackie has decided to look like a neon bowling pin for some inexplicable reason. She looks like she decided to show up and perform in a spray painted outfit. It's so shiny and distracting. It's actually the only notable thing about her performance. She's technically fine, but her tricksy vocal stylings (mostly the constant nasal growling) coupled with the drunken rocker wannabe stage movements do her no favors. She also opens the show and after eight years of watching the show, we should all know that's the death slot.
Grade: C
Also, when the contestants make it back for the Seacrest interview, they jsut hug each other for more camera time, I mean to comfort each other. Therefore, the red room is now going to be reffered to as Hug Central. Though I still think it looks some sort of new set for a 2009 version of Legends of the Hidden Temple. Find that Silver Monkey!
Ricky Braddy
"A Song For You" - Leon Russel, Donny Hathaway
So Ricky is one of the two semi-finalists who has not been shown singing on the show prior to the live rounds. This is never something that bodes well for a idol contestant. It's a shame the show lost him on the cutting room floor because this dude has definitely got a voice. He's very professional, his tone is completely smooth and it seems fairly effortless. I'd honestly be disappointed if he doesn't get a second chance at the Wildcard. I think he should be in the Top 12 based off that alone but there's just no way with backstory juggernauts Danny, Anoop, and Michael in this round that he can pull the votes away. I don't think we've scratched the surface of his capabilities yet.
Grade: A-
Alexis Grace
"I Never Loved A Man (The Way That I Love You)" - Aretha Franklin
Apparently the judges told her to "dirty up" for the later rounds, so she decided that looking like a drag queen version of Nikki McKibbin would serve that purpose. Well, she's right mostly. So Alexis starts to sing and she's really radiating some Dusty Springfield vibes here. She's nuanced when necessary, she knows what she's singing about, and she's in great voice throughout the whole song. There are one or two phrasing issues that concern me, but considering she didn't have to go into the whole big notes win votes place Idol tends to be about to demonstrate some real stage craft and technique, she's got my vote.
Grade: A-
Brent Keith
"Hicktown" - Jason Aldean
Brent Keith's clip package breaks the show, which is amusing because you can her panicking producers yelling at Seacrest the whole time while h'es just thinking "fuck it. I'm running the show." It's awesome to see Seacrest be good at improvising. Apparently, he originally auditioned for Idol to be a judge rather than a host. I wonder if that means Randy Jackson would've ended up hosting? *shudder* Oh yeah, Brent. I don't know the song because outside of maybe some Carrie Underwood and Dixie Chicks who are really more crossover artists than pure Country, I rarely encounter Country on my iPod, radio, whatever. Having said that, it's fairly obvious the song requires some real heavy personality in order to pull it off convincingly and Brent doesn't have personality, so it just falls flat performance wise.
Grade: C-
Stevie Wright
"You Belong With Me" - Taylor Swift
Oh dear. This is what always happens to some poor contestant that shows promise in the early rounds. Simon told her she was singing songs that were too old for her (she auditioned with "At Last"). When Simon or any of the judges say that, what they mean is that the song isn't believable for you or your age bracket. "At Last" is about finally finding your love match after searchign high and low, being alone and disappointed, and a 17 year old is just not going to be able to sing that with conviction. But Stevie thought he meant chronologically yougner, so she chooses a Taylor Swift song, and she somehow is worse than Taylor Swift on it. It's too low for her at the beginning, which tehn throws her out of tune for the rest of the song. The judges really skewer her. There are only two impressive/notable thing about this: Stevie manages to not cry and shows great poise and professionalism for her age, while her parents whine about the confusing judges. There's a Neil Patirck Harris sighting in the audience that is legen... wait for it... dary!
Stevie's Grade: F
NPH's Grade: A for awesome, as it should be. How do I vote for him?
Anoop Desai
"Angel of Mine" - Monica
Anoops has got a lot going into this round: he's gotten a fairly tentative but spupportive backstory from the editors that make him one to look out for, rather than one to wait for, and that can go a long way in this show. Unfortunately, I think Anoop has made a mistake with the song choice here. He sings well, but that's never been the problem, so when he applies his usual R&B crooner stylings, it comes off as a "been there, done that" scenario. What would've suited him better would have bringing some funk and groove during this round, or a bigger song. It doesn't feel like he's pushing himself, and it's a bit blah. He's definite top twelve material, but he might have to get in via the wildcard.
Anoop Dawg's Grade: B
Casey Carlson
"Every Little Thing She Does is Magic" - The Police
Every year, the producers and the judges push through some random attractive brunette into the semi-finals who can kind of sing, but is so clearly out of their depth at this point. Enter Casey Carlson. Actually, I wish she and Anoop would've switched songs, cause I bet he could've rearranged this well. As for Casey, she's playing it start, but she's not reggae nor is she pop punk, so she just compeltely misses the boat. When teh judges tell her how full of wrong she was in choosing that song, she counters that she wanted to have "fun with a fun song." And... that made me feel sorry for her. It came across that when she made the semi-finals I think even she knew she had no chance at advancing and was just hoping for passable. Randy and Kara have a kind of mean girls moment when they sing "every little thing she does is wrong," which was amusing.
Grade: F
Michael Sarver
"I Don't Want to Be" - Gavin DeGraw
I'm still in shock that "roughneck" qualifies as an actual job title. Michael looks a bit like the big marshmallow monster in Ghostbusters. What? He's wearing white, he's really tall, built like a linebacker, and kind of doing this weird Carlton Banks dance to the song which resembles the way that Godzilla destroys Tokyo. Boy has got zero body rhythm, which is something I can relate to. The performance is a bit strange for me. I liked his voice the most out of all the rounds we've seen him but I think the song is too agressive for his persona.
Grade: B-
Ann Marie Boskovich
"Natural Woman" - Carole King, Aretha Franklin
Enter attractive brunette number two, except Ann Marie's had a bit of a musician's vibe at her original audition. For some inexplicable reason, she's chosen to sing "Natural Woman." Has she never watched this show before? So, she's trying to phrase it like Carole King, but the arrangement is footed right into the Aretha version, and she's trying to belt. I think she could've really gotten away with this is she had stripped it down to just a piano backing and crooned her way through it. There are notes she just isn't reaching well, so the performance is anything but natural.
Grade: C-
Stephen Fowler
"Rock With You" - Michael Jackson
Remember when Stephen fucked up "Time of My Life," also known as the David Cook magic rainbows song? The show doesn't want you to forget. When he redeem himself at the semi-finals? Nope. This is really disappointing for me, as he was one of my favorites from Hollywood. Stephen's voice is really one of the most relevant, contemporary voices in this year's competition, and he's pissing it all away on "Rock With You." If he was insistent on Michael Jackson, he should've gone with "Man in the Mirror." Damn you Stephen for not going back to fantastic. So there's no chance of a neo soul guy making it into the Top 12 this year.
Grade: D
Tatiana Del Toro
"Saving All My Love For You" - Whitney Houston
Sweet zombie Jesus, it's Tatiana. I kind of completely love her because I can't figure out if she knows she's full of shit and milking some aspect of it for all it's worth or if she really is a "Crack is whack" Whitney-esque performer. If she's using the producers, I think it's awesome because it would serve the fuckers right for rewarding idiocy if somebody else banks on it. Then she sings pretty damn well. It's certainly the best rendition of this song on AI. She shows good control and in a weird way, her persona fits the song because... damn what's that movie with Glenn Close trying to kill the wife? Yeah, Tatiana's kind of a bunny boiler. The judges are pissed off because they can't knock her voice or comment on her being a nutjob because she's actually completely restrained. Simon comments that Tatiana and Paula are famewhores which is amazing. The judges get creepier than Tatiana but trying to do her infamous LOL, then Tatiana gives us a taste of her insanity by pleading for votes.
Grade: B+
Danny Gokey
"Hero" - Mariah Carey
Did you hear that his wife died? Ugh. I'm sorry if it's offensive, but I didn't realize that "widower" counted as a personality. Anyway, Danny's got a very good voice and doesn't need to resort to audience pandering, which is why this song choice is disappointing. I wish he would stop picking these fuckwit songs and sing something with some meaning other than "you're your own personal pocket Jesus." Technically, it's strong and a well paced performance The judges cream their pants over him and... fuck you show. Simon brings us back to reality, thank the deity of your choosing, and doesn't act like Danny just performed the miracle of resurrecting his dead wife on stage. Though I doubt the show would let him if he could because then he wouldn't have a sob story. This blows; a contestant with a great voice who is completely fucking indulgent and up his own asshole that I can't enjoy him singing.
Grade: B+
Should Go Through:
Ricky, Alexis, Anoop
Will Go Through:
Danny, Alexis, Michael
Wildcards:
Anoop, Ricky, Tatiana
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